


Bittersweet Musings

by WordsAblaze



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: BAMF Catarina Loss, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Malec, Protective Alec Lightwood, all the way, fluff and angst combined in what i hope is a good way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-14 02:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12997458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsAblaze/pseuds/WordsAblaze
Summary: Alec loves their relationship but unfortunately, reflecting can sometimes cause more pain than an actual wound... Or the one where Magnus is injured in battle and Alec can't help pessimistically thinking of better times, written for the malec hiatus exchange!





	Bittersweet Musings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mossymoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mossymoo/gifts).



> Apologies in advance if there are any typos or such! Ps. I know you said flashbacks in the prompt but I think there's more past than present, sorry!

Everything had been going well.

Alec and Magnus had received a distress call from Simon and Raphael, not long after the two vampires had set out to gather information on the pack of werewolves repeatedly threatening to attack Luke.

Naturally, both Magnus and Alec had internally grumbled at the thought of cancelling movie night but grabbed their coats, their weapons and magic at their disposal within seconds. It had just been a regular battle, full of demons and dust – as well as the small addition of werewolves - with Alec and Magnus fighting beside one another, seraph blades and flames working together. It had just been their regular routine… until one of the werewolves' demons had managed to sneak up on them.

Neither Alec nor Magnus had noticed the surreptitious creature slowly inching towards across the battlefield, taking advantage of shadows and clouds. Just as Magnus had fired at the rogue werewolf heading towards Alec, said shadowhunter had briefly left the warlock's side to save Jace from what would have probably been certain death.

Of course, that was the pivotal moment.

As soon as Jace gratefully smiles through gritted teeth and a wave of relief washes over Alec, he hears something he'd rather not: Magnus' cry.

As much as he tries to stifle it, Magnus can't help crying out when the poisonous tip of the demon's tail pierces his skin. Alec watches in mute, frozen horror as more and more of the weaponised tail digs itself into his skin, until the sharp appendage has travelled all the way through his body. It may have been the blink of an eye for others, but for Alec, it's seconds full of eternities, all full of a pain he can't name.

He remembers the time he'd been worried about something piercing Magnus' skin…

* * *

 

_"Alexander?" Magnus calls from their study, his voice quiet and yet the brightest one Alec's ever heard and ever will hear, he's sure of it._

_"Yeah?"_

_"How do you feel about sushi?"_

_"What?"_

_"How do you feel about sushi?"_

_"Who's that?" Alec asks, then curses himself when he hears Magnus laugh._

_"The food, love, the food."_

_Alec groans in embarrassment, giving up on his book and pulling himself to his feet, his eyes immediately drawn to Magnus' warm smile as he opens the study door, folding his arms. "Sushi's great, I guess."_

_"Great! Do you want candlelit or movie night?"_

_Alec frowns for a second, then realises what Magnus is asking and something inside of him – most likely his heart - melts. "You're making dinner?"_

_"There's nothing to say we can't have it for break-"_

_Before Magnus can finish his sassy remark, Alec walks forwards and presses their lips together as softly as he can, for only the briefest of milliseconds. As expected, Magnus blushes and smiles, holding his hands up in mock surrender as he goes silent._

_"Movie night sounds great," Alec whispers, stepping back to go finish his book and let Magnus work on the spell his last client had asked for._

_Unfortunately, he fails to see the little box behind him and crashes into it, sending the little needles showering down, a few of which land on Magnus. Most of them bounce off but one lands directly on his arm, piercing his flawless skin, and he flinches, pulling the sharp object out and rubbing his arm._

_"I'm sorry!" Alec bursts immediately, kneeling down to see if his warlock is okay._

_"It's only skin-deep, don't worry, sweet pea."_

_"Are you sure?" Alec asks, carefully picking up the other needles and sliding them into the little box before any more harm can come to them._

_"Absolutely," Magnus assures him._

_"Still, I'm so-"_

_Now it's Magnus' turn to interrupt his boyfriend's sentence with a kiss, silencing his apology with an act of love. Alec smiles as he pulls back, sharing an exasperated look with Magnus and then glancing behind him before standing back up this time._

_"The protagonist's sister dies at the end!" Magnus calls as Alec is leaving the room._

_"Magnus!"_

_"I'm joking, I've not even read it!"_

_Alec shakes his head fondly, the sound of their simultaneous laughter echoing like soothing background music. The harmony of their laughter is always sweet enough to make him grin like an utter fool but, for the sake of their love, he doesn't even care._

* * *

 

He doesn't recognise the sharp, anguished scream that escapes his lips when he watches the demon's tail suddenly jerk forwards, eliciting another pained cry from his beloved, and then rapidly retreat so that the demon can fly back to attack someone else, as if it hadn't just dared to touch the high warlock of Brooklyn. He does, however, recognise the weak moan that slips from Magnus' throat as he starts to slump towards the ground.

Alec has never been more thankful for his speed rune.

Alec catches Magnus just before he hits the ground and injures himself further but there's no way to stop the sheer amount of blood escaping the veins it should be flowing through. Before he can help it, he's choking back a sob, wrapping his arms around Magnus and praying to everyone who'll listen for him to be okay.

The population of the world may as well be two at this point because Alec suddenly can't remember anyone except the person in his arms.

"Magnus, please- I, I can't- you can have my, my strength…" Alec rambles, blinking furiously.

He sits with Magnus between his knees, the warlock's head lying on his shoulder and his back leaning diagonally against his chest. He wraps his arms around Magnus' shoulders, trying to cocoon his boyfriend in a healing embrace as if the pure love of a hug can somehow make everything better. If only.

Magnus smiles, wincing, but each acute inhale sends jolts of fear straight through Alec's hope and he can't help his face crumpling as he tries to have faith.

"Al… Alec…" Magnus whimpers as his eyes flicker between gold and brown. If losing control of his glamour wasn't bad enough, Magnus calling him 'Alec' is a red alert to say he's getting weaker.

"Mags… please, no- come on…" Alec bites his lip, desperately staring at the kaleidoscope of his beloved's eyes. Hee always loves Magnus' eyes but this isn't why he usually sees those alluring colours…

* * *

 

_"Freak!" someone calls - someone who must have the sight because there's no way they could have seen them otherwise._

_Magnus and Alec both jump, Alec instinctively going to stand in front of Magnus like a human shield. He glares at the man scowling in their direction. "Something wrong?"_

_"There's something wrong with your boyfriend's eyes!" The man spits._

_"They're just contacts. Honestly, are you blind or something?" Alec asks coldly._

_The man's eyes widen and he holds his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, man, I didn't know. I just thought his eyes were freaky!"_

_Alec's jaw clenches and his hands form fists as the man carries on explaining how weird Magnus' eyes would be if they weren't contacts and only a soft, familiar hand on his shoulder stops him from actually lunging forwards._

_"Have fun at the party, dudes!" The man chirps as he carries on walking, having assumed everything without letting either of them talk or even noticing that one of them was attempting to stop the other from killing him._

_As soon as he's gone, Alec whirls round and places his hands on either side of Magnus' face, staring into his eyes until the rest of the world fades away. "He was wrong, you know?"_

_"About the party?" Magnus asks, the strain in his voice suggesting that he isn't as unaffected as he's trying to be._

_"Magnus…" Alec sighs softly._

_As per a silent request to Magnus that only he could have deciphered, the two of them are able to stand beside their sofa within a few seconds, at which point Alec gently pushes him to sit on the sofa and kneels on the floor in front of him._

_"Magnus, I love you." Alec doesn't even hesitate to say it, the sofa luckily being low down enough for him to be almost at Magnus' eye level._

_Magnus hums, a smile flickering on his face. "I love you too, Alexander."_

_"No, listen to me," Alec gently orders, "I adore every piece of you and that includes the pieces others don't understand. Just because he couldn't accept your eyes doesn't make you a freak."_

_Magnus' smile is much more genuine by now, and he pulls Alec up to sit on the sofa beside him. "Thank you."_

_"Now, it's a little dull in here," Alec says, apparently ignoring the bright blue sofa they're sat on and the paintings of autumn leaves on the walls. "How about you light up the room with those golden eyes?"_

_Magnus laughs and lets his eyes flutter shut for a second before taking a deep breath. Instead of opening his eyes, however, he moves forwards and attacks Alec with a warm embrace, the two of them falling sideways and rolling off the sofa. They land with Magnus on the carpet, Alec lovingly looming above him._

_"Magnus!" Alec giggles._

_"Alexander," Magnus mimics, his arms wrapped around his shadowhunter._

_Alec smiles into Magnus' colourful eyes and gently kisses the warlock's nose, yelping as he retaliates by rolling them over. "You are the best shadowhunter I've ever met."_

_Alec blushes, because of both the sudden adrenaline rush and the compliment. Magnus winks, grinning slyly. "And, for the record, I also think your eyes are a masterpiece I would happily sink under."_

* * *

 

"Oh, by the angel…" Alec pulls out his stele, then remembers that an iratze won't work on a warlock and kisses Magnus' forehead, biting his bottom lip to stop his sobs.

He tries to make Magnus comfortable, one hand wrapping around Magnus' nimble fingers. "Please, Mags, use my strength, please!"

He can feel the meek pull of Magnus' magic but he knows that not enough is ebbing away for anything to happen. It's a vicious cycle, needing strength to take someone else's strength. It's a torturous cycle and Alec can't do anything to stop or hinder it.

"Magnus!" Alec can hear the desperation in his voice but he doesn't care; he can feel the blood escaping Magnus' wound as if it were his own soul being soaked up by his black institute gear.

Magnus coughs, but each one stops halfway as if he can't draw in a breath. Every time his breathing stops for even a millisecond, Alec's heart plummets and he can't hear anything but the broken pulse of his favourite warlock.

"C… Cata…" Magnus croaks then groans and buries his head in Alec's jacket.

Alec's confusion only lasts a millisecond before he realises what Magnus means – even in imminent danger, their almost psychic connection is practically perfect – and he finds a way to reach his phone, already dialling.

"Pick up pick up pick up!" Alec chants as the phone rings, his memory betraying him with a painful parallel.

* * *

 

_"Don't you dare- No, Alexander, do not pick-" Magnus is cut off when Alec, against his wishes, lifts him up._

_"Pick me up, did you say?" Alec teases, spinning around as Magnus stifles a shriek, his arms around Alec's neck and his eyes closed._

_Alec grins to himself and carries Magnus through their apartment. At one point, he pretends to slip and Magnus yelps, his grip on Alec tightening as if magic had suddenly ceased to exist. Not that Alec is complaining._

_"I'm not going to drop you!" Alec laughs as Magnus pulls back slightly, his natural eyes glowing with adrenaline, ire, and endearment._

_"I hate you," he mumbles in a way that suggests he does the exact opposite._

_Alec chuckles and pretends to drop him again, watching Magnus' eyes widen with alarm as he yells, "Alexander!"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Put me down and I'll show you yes!"_

_"What does that even mean?" Alec asks, unable to stop his laughter._

_"It's a work in_ progre _\- Alexander!" Magnus' voice rises half an octave as Alec fools him for the third time._

_"Okay, okay, sorry!" Alec giggles, letting Magnus down in front of their bed but then trips and falls forwards, pushing them both down._

_"Oof!" they both gasp simultaneously, rubbing their foreheads and wincing._

_Alec can see himself in Magnus' eyes as he leans on his elbows to avoid further injury and he grins at how flushed they both look. He leans down and gently kisses Magnus' nose, laughing brightly as Magnus then kisses his nose in turn. Lacing their hands together, he pulls both Magnus and himself up, the two of them stumbling as they trip over each other's feet._

_"You're ridiculous," Magnus whispers._

_"You owe me an ice cream," Alec replies smugly._

_Magnus rolls his eyes but nods fondly. "If it's an ice cream you want, an ice cream you shall get."_

* * *

 

"Where are you?" Catarina asks as her greeting; she must have sensed there was an emergency. If he was in the right state of mind, he might have thanked his past self for making sure the ID on Catarina's phone flashed as absolutely urgent if called with his institute number, but he's too caught up in his bleeding boyfriend to remember that.

But as Magnus whimpers softly, the grip on Alec's hand weakening, he forgets how to form a sentence.

He forgets that anything but the two them exists, and he drops the phone, shifting position enough to place his hand on Magnus' perfect cheek, trying his best to smile. Magnus' gaze catches his for a moment and the two of them find the strength to hold it for a few seconds before Magnus jerks, gasping in a fresh round of pain.

"Oh no…" Alec mutters to himself as he sees the wound start to faintly glow. Painful glowing on a battlefield cannot be a good sign.

"Alec!" someone calls, and someone else picks up the phone. Someone has a quick, sharp, rushed conversation and someone tries calling his name, but he doesn't pay attention. How can he focus on anything when the most important person in the world might be dying?

"Magnus, please, hold on, please-" Alec whispers, pulling the warlock closer and hoping, praying with every scrap of faith he can muster.

There's a small part of him that senses the wave of magic, the literal sparks in the air, the arrival of someone who possesses enough magic to create a portal, but most of his brain is preoccupied with hoping he won't have to attend a funeral anytime soon, and trying to figure out a loophole for possible death.

* * *

 

_"Magnus?"_

_"Alexander?"_

_"What will you do when I'm gone?"_

_"What?"_

_"I want you to promise me you'll take care of yourself an- and find someone else to, someone else to make you smile when- when I can't d-do it myself."_

_Magnus is in front of Alec in an instant, his eyes wide and his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Are you okay, love?"_

_Alec opens his mouth to reply but only a small sob escapes and his lower lip trembles as he tries to hold back the rest of his emotion. Within seconds, Magnus has enveloped him in a warm bear hug and the two of them are soon wrapped in the fluffiest blanket known to exist._

_"I-_ I'm _sorry, I-"_

_"Shhh," Magnus soothes, "you're allowed to cry."_

_Alec sniffles and burrows his face into the crook of Magnus' neck, his shoulders shaking as he wraps his arms around Magnus as if the warlock had randomly turned into a personal teddy bear. Magnus just smiles sadly and kisses the top of Alec's head, holding him tight and murmuring any poems he can remember._

_It's almost an hour later when Alec's sobs subside and he looks up at Magnus with a teary smile. "I love you."_

_"I love you more, Alexander," Magnus whispers, leaning forward so their noses brush._

_Alec giggles and meets him halfway, his eyes brightening as the two of them take part in the softest nose battle known to man. Of course, Magnus lets him win, whatever that means, and Alec ends up smiling, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he bites his lip. None of his attempts to stifle joy work, however, and Manus beams at him. "There's that precious smile!"_

_"Magnus…"_

_"Don't you 'Magnus' me, Alexander. I will fight for that smile!"_

_"You're so dramatic!" Alec groans._

_"I've waited a long time for a smile like yours and I think a little exaggeration is more than necessary." Magnus raises an eyebrow._

_Alec smiles again. "Thank you,"_

_"Of course!"_

_"No, I mean… thank you for waiting," Alec corrects, his voice quiet._

_"Alexander, my darling, I would wait every lifetime for you," Magnus declares and_ _Alec's face flushes as red as the warlock's ruby ring so he avoids talking and simply leans up to kiss Magnus' chin._

* * *

 

"Alec!"

The sharp, magical cry of Catarina manages to penetrate his downward spiral of diminishing hope, and he looks up to the blurry figure of a blue and white smudge.

"Oh-" Catarina cuts herself off, trying not to swear as she sees the wound.

"Help," Alec manages before he has to bite back a sob, trying not to focus on his stained, red hands and the metallic scent of blood.

"What did this?" Catarina asks, as her hands start to glow.

It's not even a second before the glow from her hands reaches Magnus' skin and he jumps, softly moaning and trying to move away, towards Alec, before going still. Both Catarina and Alec freeze, their eyes wide and panicked, but they sigh in relief when Magnus exhales weakly, both still confused but no longer hopeless.

"That's not meant to happen," Catarina says before worrying her lip. Alec thinks he hears over people try to input some advice but he can't bear to listen, tightening his hold on his beloved.

* * *

 

_"I have something for you," Alec declares as he walks into their apartment._

_Magnus manages to grin and fondly shake his head at the same time, planting a quick kiss on Alec's cheek. "Please don't tell me you found a turtle too?"_

_"A- a turtle?" Alec asks, bemused._

_Magnus sighs with relief, "Oh, thank goodness. I've had four stray turtles put under my charge already and I think Chairman will take my eyes out if I announce the arrival of anymore."_

_Alec makes a note to ask about that later and pulls the peculiar bag from behind his back as he winks. "I need you to trust me."_

_"Of course," Magnus answers without missing a beat._

_Something flutters in Alec's heart but he just smiles and places his hand over Magnus' eyes as an unspoken order to close his eyes. Once he can be sure Magnus isn't watching him, he opens the bag and stifles another laugh before placing the borderline pretentious hat on the warlock's head._

_Magnus stiffens for a second. "Is this what I think it is?"_

_"Maybe?" Alec grins as Magnus opens his eyes. He laughs as Magnus walks to the mirror and stares at his reflection as if contemplating the existence of hat-makers._

_"Alexander… I think we need to talk about your fashion sense…" Magnus says finally, one hand tentatively poking the abundance of oversized flowers resting atop his head. "I actually quite like it."_

_Alec can't help his voice rising an octave as he asks: "You do?"_

_"Nope." Magnus grins and the hat's on Alec's head before he can react._

_His jaw drops in mock horror. "Magnus!"_

_"What? You look cute!" Magnus coos, miming a camera and winking with his natural eyes, something that he knows will both drive Alec mad and make his heart melt._

_"I dare you to wear it all of tomorrow!" Alec blurts smugly, folding his arms; Magnus' nose scrunches up as he rolls his eyes and reluctantly nods in agreement, apparently unconvinced by Alec's fashion sense and accessory choices._

_"You will, won't you?" Alec taps a foot._

_Magnus sighs, "You know I will… but only if you wear it for the rest of today!"_

_"But we're going to watch that new film!"_

_Magnus just flashes him an innocent smile. Alec groans in frustration but he can't argue with the sparkle in Magnus' eyes so he just grumbles and walks into the kitchen to grab an apple, inwardly smiling to himself as he hears the bright laughter behind him._

* * *

 

Alec has no time to even think before the three of them are moving, flying, travelling through a portal back to Catarina's apartment. Alec and Magnus fall in a heap of blood, sweat, and tears mixed with sobs, desperate hopes, and love.

"Alec, try to keep him awake!" Catarina calls as she dashes into the other room, grabbing bottles and various other things as she goes.

"Mags, hey, are you awake?" Alec asks softly, unsure of what to do; he tries to nod encouragingly as Magnus' eyes fly open and he weakly nods, trying to muster a smile but not doing very well in convincing Alec that he's not in immense pain.

"Oh, by the angel, please- just, just hang- just hang on for me, please?" Alec mumbles, swallowing the anchor of fear rising in the back of his throat.

"Oh, Alec…" Catarina sighs as she reappears, but her sympathy is overtaken by the medical side of her mind, and she quickly checks Magnus' pulse before taking a deep breath and starting to chant.

She falters when Magnus' breathing hitches but Alec nods at her, encouraged by the soft glow of just about everything around them. Licking her lips, she continues muttering rapidly, her voice tripping over itself and her words blurring together like trees zooming past a car window on a country lane late at night.

* * *

 

_"Hey, what are you doing?" Alec questions as he sees Magnus holding out his hands._

_"Apparently I've committed some kind of crime," Magnus answers dryly._

_Alec frowns to himself. "What?" he asks, having wanted to spend the afternoon cuddling in front of a fire or someplace just as cosy._

_Nobody offers an explanation as they snap the bracelet onto Magnus' wrists and Alec darts forward to steady the warlock as he buckles under the sudden loss of his magic. Making his mind up, Alec turns to the other shadowhunters. "I'm coming with you."_

_They just shrug, apparently not bothered too much and clearly just following orders they don't understand, and Alec grins, his arm around Magnus more for the sake of it than for supporting him._

_"Did they say anything about where we're going?" Alec asks the car they're in starts moving. Apparently, a portal had been out of the question so they were taking a mundane road in a mundane vehicle._

_"No."_

_Magnus puts his head on Alec's shoulder and Alec rests his on top of Magnus', the two of them humming in harmony. They've gone through the entirety of the latest album Magnus had shown Alec before the car suddenly speeds up and sharply turns, sending them both crashing into each other._

_"Ouch!" Magnus exclaims loudly, just to spite the shadowhunter driving._

_Alec rubs his head as he pushes off the window and stares at the green blur outside the window. "Are cars built to go this fast?"_

_Magnus glances outside only for a second before shaking his head. "Not really, no…_

_"Well, that's not worrying at all…"_

_"I wonder how bad my crime is," Magnus says, "for us to be bending mundane laws."_

_"Oh, it's so bad."_

_As soon as Alec says that, Magnus' eyes focus on him like a spotlight. "You know what I've done?"_

_"Of course, everyone does," Alec replies nonchalantly._

_Magnus' eyebrows fly upwards as he thinks through what he could possibly have done; Alec can't help feeling quite happy with himself to finally give Magnus a taste of his own medicine._

_"Okay, you win… what have I done?" Magnus asks, his curiosity stronger than his competitive side._

_Alec clears his throat rather dramatically. "You've stolen my heart."_

_Magnus stares at him blankly for a few seconds before he bursts out laughing, rolling his eyes and shaking his head as he processes Alec's joke._

_"You're an idiot!"_

_"You love it," Alec grins._

_"Of course I do, you're my idiotic shadowhunter," Magnus laughs._

_If anyone with the sight had been staring into the car, they would have seen two utterly unamused shadowhunters sharing an exasperated look and turning the radio up to drown out the cheesy jokes that seem to come hand in hand with a relationship. Of course, they might also see the couple sat in the back, totally immersed in said relationship and oblivious to anything else._

* * *

 

"Magnus, please…" Alec whispers as softly as he can, resting his forehead on Magnus' sweaty locks. He tries to focus on the way his colourful hair still somehow looks like it belongs in a magazine instead of worrying about how alarming his breathing is becoming.

Catarina pauses only to exhale and gulp in some air before chanting at eight hundred and fifteen miles per hour, her eyes closing as she concentrates; Alec just stares in awe.

"Alexander-" Magnus breathes before stiffening and stilling.

"NO!" Alec yells, his eyes widening and his gaze travelling to the still-muttering Catarina. "No, no no no no no, NO!"

His eyes have started to fill up with unauthorised tears at the thought of never having properly said goodbye when Magnus abruptly jerks, coughing and glowing.

Alec and Catarina are both blown backwards as Magnus seems to literally brighten brighter than any light known to any species, and Alec has to shield his eyes to avoid potentially becoming blind. They both start to cough as they pull themselves up and wince at the intense glow still threatening their vision. That doesn't, however, stop Alec from rushing to his feet and immediately stumbling to Magnus, incoherent versions of the warlock's name escaping his lips.

* * *

 

_"Why do you keep calling me that?" Alec groans as Magnus repeats his newest pet name._

_"Because nicknames are fun!"_

_"Why don't I call you anything other than 'Magnus' then?" Alec asks, his eyes then lighting up mysteriously._

_"Oh no… I know that look…" Magnus sighs, already knowing that Alec is one hundred percent planning something but not too worried because trust is a thing they both believe in._

_It's only five minutes later when Alec calls: "Hey, cupcake, can you come here a second?"_

_Magnus' entire face scrunches up as he lets the new pet name sink in and Alec's plan dawns on him but he does as Alec asks, walking into the study._

_"Yes?"_

_"You're not busy, are you, honey?"_

_"No…?"_

_"Kiss me?"_

_Magnus blinks._

_"Aw, come on, babe, it's a simple request."_

_Magnus can't tell if Alec's smirk or his words make his heart melt but, either way, he has to mentally reboot to fix his composure._

_"Are you alright, sugar?"_

_"That's it, this is over before it begins!" Magnus exclaims and lunges forwards._

_Soon enough, his fingers are brushing Alec's sides and they're both laughing as they try to tickle the other. Magnus holds his poker face for a little bit longer than Alec, who's almost immediately gasping and trying to form a single word. Unable to avoid Magnus' hands, he's got no choice but to laugh and to try forming a protest as he succumbs to hysteria. He ends up emitting a jumble of sounds that all vaguely resemble 'Magnus' but could easily be mistaken for gibberish._

_"Are you satisfied, sweet pea?" Magnus asks, breathless, as he pulls back, his smile way too innocent for someone who's done what he has._

_Alec sucks in a breath as he glares but then nods slowly. "Alright. You win, muffin."_

_"Alexander!"_

* * *

 

He sighs in relief when he catches sight of Magnus sitting up, clearly dazed.

"Magnus!"

Magnus looks up sharply, and his confusion expression morphs into a grin as his eyes lock with Alec's. "Alexander?"

"Oh, Magnus, I thought you were dead!" Alec breathes, wrapping his arms around and practically folding himself around Magnus.

Magnus gasps but closes his eyes with a smile. "I'm still here, not to worry."

"You absolute… stupid… hairdryer!" Alec sobs into Magnus' shoulder.

He hears Catarina snort behind him but dismisses the realisation, his mind preoccupied with how close they got to being taken away from each other. He doesn't even realise that Magnus slightly shifts the two of them so they're not in danger of smashing the coffee table in the centre of Catarina's room, especially since it's currently littered with powders and bottles and everything else magical they'd required.

"Alexander?" Magnus murmurs, his voice thick with emotion.

"I love you," Alec replies, knowing exactly what Magnus was trying to articulate because he's thinking the exact same thing.

"Aku Cinta Kamu."

Alec's never been so happy to hear those words.

He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and rests his forehead on Magnus', letting their eyes stay locked onto one another. Their noses brush as they both shut their eyes, relieved beyond belief.

"This is cute and all but can you take this somewhere a bit… safer?" Catarina sounds both sassy and awkward as she points to the table full of potentially life-threatening substances.

"How did you get a hold of the blue-?"

"Ah, ah, ah. Let's not name it aloud." Catarina winks before putting her hands on her hips. "And for the record, I will personally kill you if you scare us like that again."

Magnus smiles sheepishly but both Alec and Catarina can see it's still smaller than usual. Alec swallows the lump in his throat and finally, finally acknowledges that there are others aside from Magnus in the world.

"Thank you," he says to Catarina.

"What he said," Magnus jokes, but Alec can practically see the exhaustion written in his expression and decided to bypass the humour, going straight to the concern.

"Can we-?"

"Yeah, you guys know where the guest room is," Catarina interrupts before he even needs to ask.

Alec can't help thinking back to the last time they were here when Magnus had dragged them to a party for Catarina's rose bush. He smiles at the thought and asks: "Do you still have that rose bush?"

Catarina's confusion lasts only a split second before she laughs and nods. "Of course, it's on the balcony. I can never throw away a plant that's been blessed with a Bane party, now can I?"

"That'd be a tragedy," Magnus winks.

"You're a pair of idiots," Catarina sighs, rolling her eyes. She picks up the most dangerous-looking vials before walking to the door, where she pauses and turns back. "I expect breakfast to be made in the morning?"

Alec watches the two of them interact and can't help wishing that he and Magnus could make the same stupid jokes and share the same traditions but then Catarina leaves and Magnus drops his powerful veneer to reveal someone who just almost died and he realises that the two of them have something much better: honest, genuine, open trust.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asks softly.

Alec has to blink several times before he registers the question. "I don't know… you almost died. You weren't breathing… Magnus, I… I can't live without you."

"Oh, Alexander…" Magnus doesn't try to tell Alec he shouldn't say such things because he knows it applies to both of them.

"I need you alive," Alec whispers so quietly that even Magnus, who's practically conjoined to him at this point, can barely hear it.

Instead of saying anything, Magnus pulls Alec closer and the two of them share an understanding silence that isn't really a silence because they're murmuring 'I love you's but it still counts as a silence because they love each other and that's all that matters in the moment. In the end, despite both of them dying, whether it be emotionally or physically, they're alive with each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed! Leave a kudos or comment?


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